


Grey

by wentkmj



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Colors, Confessions, Depression, Feels, Fluff, Friendship, Happy, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Plants, Rain, Sad, Sappy, School, badman, binwoo - Freeform, blackandwhite, etc - Freeform, green - Freeform, howdoiwritethis, ihaventplannedanythingyetuh, kpop, littlebitofmyungjinbut, lotsofplants, mayberomanceidkman, protectmyungjun, soft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-07-04 22:19:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15850554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wentkmj/pseuds/wentkmj
Summary: myungjun balanced himself on the balcony railing, in search of even a smidge of colorto no alasevery day of his life was bland. there was an eternal sense of worthlessness that flew around him like a blow fly.and then in a split second, he found himself being nurtured in the grasp of gravity.





	1. l'appel du vide

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this but like,,,, turn back,,, I can't write AT ALL,,, I just like to make up plots

Given the opportunity, myungjun would just sit there and ponder the ways his plants grew. From his beloved succulents to his many vibrant cacti, it was perhaps one of the few things he found fulfillment in.

In his worn knee socks, myungjun slowly tended to his life - not his own though, he didn't really have a life. He was born grey. The walls, the carpet, the bed sheets and even his clothing, were grey. Everyone else was colored. To myungjun it seemed as though the child that drew the earth had grown tired of coloring the land with its crayons, and left him untouched.

Though the reality was that it had been his choice to turn a blind eye to the world of colors. He had lived his life in black and white, finding only satisfaction in his plants. They were green!

Green was the only color myungjun could distinctly point out. He wasn't color blind, they just never meant anything significant to him. When he nurtured the plants in his greenhouse window, they would turn green like roses among thorns. His life was worth nothing, but their life was everything.

For myungjun to tell himself he wasn't depressed just wouldn't sit right with him. He could only water and love his plants so much before they drowned, just as he had been doing for his entire life. In the spare hours of the day, he'd silently sit there and stare aimlessly out the window.

The window was set up beautifully, in fact in the house it was probably the nicest room. The window sat opposite to the side of his bed, and extended from the very bottom of the floor to fifteen centimetres from the ceiling. The wall itself was strange, curving in an arch shape outwards. Outside his window there was a water decoration that sat out of sight, making it appear as though it was raining almost all the time.

It was quite a sight. Myungjun often wonders whether he'd still have the effort to wake up each morning if he didn't have such a wonderful view. It was almost heavenly.

The bags under his eyes were almost permanent, and his hair had been through some difficult times. It hurt myungjun to go on.

He was a high school student, known for being unconditionally ecstatic and loud. He wouldn't dare break that façade, no matter how much concealer and hair products he has to use.

His mother constantly worried about him as a child. She knew there was something wrong and wanted him to live a life just as all the other kids would. It pained her to see her baby so cold and broken when the children were all eating candy and playing tag.

If his life was worth nothing to him, he refused to let his nothing ruin someone else's something.

After finishing his daily plant parenting, he began getting dressed. He tied his hair in a messy but presentable topknot and threw on a slightly less oversized sweater with shorts. He didn't want them to call him gay again. Not that he really cared, what was wrong with that?

Slugging one arm of his bag over his shoulder, he pardoned himself from the house and begun his journey to school.

After observing the plants he'd seen a hundred times over and admiring the grey sky, he'd finally made it to the bus stop. A giant puddle splayed in front of him.

When he buried his gaze into the puddle, he was met by the tired eyes of a teen with messy hair and a lazy sweater. They looked beyond defeated, as though even the smallest drop of rain would make them wither away.

He didn't care, though.

He stepped a further distance away from the puddle as his bus drew closer, the creaking of the wheels disturbing the once calm sounds of cars in the distance.

With an exhausted but internal sigh, he cautiously waddled his way onto the bus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yikes this is all over the place but whatever


	2. commotion?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he's a loud one, huh?

The bus had been filled to the brim with clerks and students all seeming quite eager to tackle whatever lay ahead of them. In his grey sweater that swallowed up his feeble body, myungjun delicately clung to the handle that would save him from flying out the window should the bus driver suddenly become trigger happy.

There were no plants on the bus - there never was. Myungjun felt a little lonely, but it was nothing he was unfamiliar with. The racketing of the bus and the mumbles of students chatting away was comforting at least. Each preppy girl and each preppy boy... They all looked the same. The shades of grey that made their figures looked the same to myungjun. They were all either bubbly and bright or troublesome and popular kids in his eyes. They were just empty stereotypes to him.

After fifteen minutes of swaying each time the driver turned followed by sharp stomach churning, the bus finally came to a halt. Myungjun warily followed the buzzing crowd off of the bus and immediately looked for a place to seclude himself.

Myungjun was claustrophobic - in a way. Whenever he was faced with a social situation or anything involving a crowd he felt nauseous, unfortunately that seemed to occur on a daily basis given his outgoing mask. Everything about his existence was ironic, and he was well aware of that.

After sharply inhaling and exhaling more than a couple times, myungjun's aura completely changed. Straightened posture allowing for more height, eyes looking bright and cheery; even an enthusiastic grip on the straps of his bag as he walked. His footsteps were matched and energetic, much unlike the myungjun who walked as though his soul was bleeding out of his ears.

The chirpy boy strolled his way up the entrance stairway, and as per usual-

"MJ! Wait up!" The voice that haunted him each and every morning like the ghost next door alerted his attention. 

He mockingly hesitated to turn, pulling a mischievous expression, "Ah! Go home Yoon Sanha." he said in a voice so excited and vibrant. He pivoted on a 90 degree angle in order to give Sanha his full attention, watching the poor boy running up to him as fast as he could with those clumsy long legs. 

When Sanha finally caught up, the two boys began walking into the school among the hundreds of bickering students. Under his breath, MJ mumbled a coherent 'tree', gaining a side glare from the boy himself. 

While MJ saw Sanha to be a tree, it was completely metaphorical. There was no green that radiated in the way he dresses, talks, walks or anything he's ever done. MJ was blind to it, but he knew he was yellow. His existence in this world made the world slightly more positive. He was the epitome of childish and energetic. Yellow seemed like a nice colour, but MJ couldn't quite see it.

"At least I can get everything off of the shelves!." Sanha snickered, unbeknownst into what was running at him.

"Excuse m-" 

"SANHA!" 

Like an explosion, Dongmin collided into Sanha with an ear-piercing bang. Passerby quickly gathered to see what the commotion was before quickly dispersing. MJ stood there, leant half over and clutching his side. His maniac laugh likely to be reverberating along corridors everywhere in the facility. His high pitch wheezing and tears streaming down his face scared some students a little, but it was nothing they weren't used to.

Still crying, MJ gestured a hand for either of the unfortunate boys to grab. Dongmin denied the support, composing himself as he stood up and brushed the imaginary dust off of his jeans. Though in the end Sanha gratefully accepted the kind gesture and was able to hoist himself off of the ground. 

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" 

"FOR NOT OWNING UP TO THE BET WE MADE YESTERDAY AND NOT REMINDING ME I LEFT MY LAPTOP AT YOUR PLACE!" 

"THAT WASN'T MY FAULT TAKE CARE OF YOUR BELONGINGS!"

"OKAY WHATEVER JUST GIVE IT BACK TOMORROW AND DO THE BEST!"

"FINDERS KEEPERS LOSERS WEEPERS! IT'S ON MY PROPERTY THEREFORE I OWN IT, SO NO RETURNS!"

"HELLO? KEEP YOUR VOICES DOWN WOULD YOU?!" MJ intervened with that smug look on his face that seemed almost like a permanent expression.

After a salty scuff from Dongmin, and a triumphant hum from Sanha, they all quietened down and walked away as if they hadn't caused such a ruckus. Though of course either way, they'd all think MJ was the reason for the sudden disturbance because of his loud personality.

And those voices that effortlessly degraded and belittled him, were the same voices that mumbled 'gay', 'faggot', 'shithead' and all the crude words that had led him to stay up at night so long ago, questioning himself.

Though of course, only he heard it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uwu stop reading bc the quality is just going to dr o p


	3. rainbow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i promise dongmin will be portrayed nicer in future

As the boys dawdled their way down to homeroom, ignoring Dongmin's pitiful whining about ruining his perfect attendance, myungjun felt nothing. There was an emptiness in him that just never left. Never got filled.

Though he seemed fine.

"Sanha did you do the homework?"

"What homework?" he inquired almost instantaneously whilst trying to hold his stutter.

" _The_ homework." MJ continued in hot pursuit.

Sanha's breath hitched as they walked and his eyes were panicked. Like a game of eye spy his eyes darted in all different directions in search of a valid excuse.

"Shit."

And with a large thwack sound, Sanha was suddenly leant ninety degrees forward, clutching the back of his head, only to reveal a smirking Dongmin with drink bottle in hand. A smug look wiped all over him.

Dongmin wasn't mean or anything - not in the slightest. The way he treats the other members is more playful than anything. Though he has an image to upkeep, so sometimes his teasing personality has to be kept to himself.

The two taller boys continued their feud from just moments ago. myungjun didn't really pay mind to it, perhaps he would intervene when he felt the need to, but it was like a daily routine.

After taking what was longer than needed be, the three stoops finally made it to homeroom. The chaotic sound of screeching chairs and chatter invaded their ears with knives and pitchforks, but once again - nothing new.

Unpacking their books and stationary, Dongmin's head perks up at the sound of an oh so familiar voice that made his heart flutter like no other.

"Hey," they paused, "You three are a bit later than usual?"

A splurge of deep red enveloped said voice.

"You're one to talk, Moonbin."

"Hey! All I'm saying is that if I happen to see you on my way to class, you're late."

"Whatever." Dongmin scrunched up his nose and in a laughably petty manner, cowered away and organised his stationary because of his supposed 'ocd'.

"Hey, any homework due today?" Minhyuk asked, his indigo colour shining through. Myungjun thought Minhyuk was cool. There was just something about him that pulled him apart from the rest, but he could never place it.

Because he only saw grey.

"Idiot, we have homework due second session in math! I told you!" Sanha scoffed so prematurely, as though the events that had happened just a minute ago never happened. Dongmin looked at him with an amused yet disgusted expression before turning back to Moonbin.

Indistinguishable bickering between Sanha and Minhyuk became a noise in the distance as Dongmin started talking. 

"MJ, are you ready for sport today?"

"Eh? When am I not?"

"When you drop dead on the floor after having a breakdown over athletics? And when you invest all your energy into having some of the most dramatic episodes ever? "

MJ gasped, blinking 10 times a second in disbelief, "I never, Cha Eunwoo." by saying the latter, he earned a disgruntled groan from Dongmin. He loathed that nickname.

"I miss Jinwoo." Sanha's voice perked up in the midst of the absence chatter among the group. Myungjun didn't really know Jinwoo, he'd admit, but he knew that they'd been close friends with the friend group before he joined.

"Do you have to put it that way?" Moonbin speaks with a nervous twitch in his voice, the way he twists his foot against the hard surface of the floor speaking more than his voice.

Myungjun didn't really know why Jinwoo wasn't with the group anymore, all he knew was that it was a touchy subject he'd best not delve into.

"I'm being serious Moonbin." Sanha had said, removing any evidence of amusement from his voice.

"We all do, Sanha." the indigo voice spoke warily.

And from that moment on, the school day began to pass, and like every other it was shrouded in grey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jinwoo jinwoo jinwoo


	4. cloudy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is all over the place and I haven't grammar checked

The day had dragged on as per usual - and as Dongmin had predicted, MJ made a a scene. 

MJ being the energetic boy he was, overworked himself playing badminton with ease, whining so naturally, to which Dongmin could only remark, 'That's why you don't scream "it's over 9000" and hit it as hard as you can whenever the shuttle comes your way.'

After his long walk home in the grasp of winter, myungjun layed himself gently across the bedsheets with his shoes already flung across the floor and bag left by the door.

The outside air tingled against his exposed legs, his long sweater and shorts unhelpful in sheltering his poor body.

He could never pinpoint what he was feeling. He was empty and sad, for sure, though there was something else. There was a delight he found in his lack of energy. He could never understand it. He found home in his nothing. There was nothing to ever stress about.

He stared at his arrangement of plants with big heart eyes. The deep greens challenging the absence of colour was beautiful, almost like that movie, Schindler's List, if you were to ignore the tragedy it was about of course. The white protruding light from the grey sky shone on them so nicely.

myungjun wasn't like other people. He was depressed, but never the type of person to cry, the type to take out his anger on other people nor was he that into the idea of suicide. He just layed there in that grey bed. His eyes glazed over and hair out of control. His resemblance to a human vegetable was uncanny.

Though fortunately enough there were few other little things that made him happy. He had this little happy spurt whenever he bought a cup of noodles. His smile was precious, the smile when he ate was not the same smile MJ had constantly adorned. myungjuns smile was rare.

myungjun rolled around a little, creasing the sheets without a care in the world, and sat up. His plants were ready to be nurtured - and myungjun was ready to do it.

In his white ankle socks he walked over to his beautiful array of plants that sat in front of the arched window. One by one he grabbed a leaf of each plant and checked for any outward developments since the last time he took care of them - which happened to be that very morning.

He then went to the water dispenser in the corner of his room to fill his watering can three quarters of the way full. The plants bathed gratefully, or he'd like to imagine so at least. The rich dark greens swayed at the waters touch, like small 'yay's or 'thanks'.

myungjun was a beautiful person, anyone could see that. The way he stared so lovingly down at his plants allowed his hair freely waver over his face, the beautiful orange-brown colour so royally warm. His eyes were big and glossy like a doll and his lips had a naturally cute shape with a sort of rosy tone to them. His style of clothing was just a result of his laziness, though the shorts and oversized sweater made him eternally cute. myungjun was a strange one, but no one looked past his appearance.

The most powerful feature was his gaze. The gaze was how he distinguishes himself between MJ and myungjun. MJ had a strong but active gaze, with eyes wide he could never really stare at one thing for too long before he buzzed away to the next best thing. Though myungjun on the other hand, had a very intense gaze. His eyes were narrowed with exhaustion and there was no life in them. It was as though he were staring into nothing all the time.

MJ is strong. myungjun is not.

MJ can fight off all of the belittling comments people make and the rumors they spread. He can make people laugh and smile and can comfort anyone in his proximity. myungjun is the empty carcass left over with nothing left inside of him. He fills himself up with people's words and lets them cut deep into his heart.

MJ is the person myungjun wants to be.

He delicately placed the watering can back to where it came from and sighed. He wasn't sure what his problem was. He knew it made no sense but there was nothing he could do about it. All he was sure of was that he needed to see color.

And like a glass shattering in contact with concrete, myungjun fell into the arms of sleep the moment he hit the pillow. His consciousness slipped right through his fingers.

He felt bad. He felt little things, but one of them was guilt. He hated lying to his friends. myungjun often wished he could trade his place with Jinwoo, wherever he were at the moment.

The oxygen would be better spent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the very worst chapter to exist on this planet I'm sorry sjshsh


	5. Serenade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry I didn't grammar check this!! so uh,, my bad?

"MJ! Pass the eraser!" Moonbin called in response to the giant lead mess he'd made on his paper. The days had flown by, Halloween had passed only the day prior, and all were already in Christmas spirit.

Sanha had been fumbling with decorations and tinsel for so long that it seemed the fierce crinkles on his nose wouldn't leave any time soon. Minhyuk seemed lost in the motion of the red rubber ball he'd been passing between his hands. Dongmin was using that Tony Stark brain of his, words and ideas flowing nonstop from his pen to his page. Moonbin gawked with what couldn't be determined as disgust or awe at the speed Dongmin worked. MJ just sat there, kind of in the circle, kind of not.

"So..." he tried to tease an answer from one of the boys, to be met with only the sounds of a pen on paper, the impact of rubber to a palm, and incoherent mumbles from a tall, baby boy. 

"So?" Moonbin spoke, the lack of interest showing.

"I mean..." MJ paused to try swipe the ball out of Minhyuk's game, his flailing arm completely missing the it. While blushing profusely, he repeated himself, "I mean, do _any_ of you plan on telling me what's going on here?"

"Do you _ever_ pay attention in class, MJ?" Sanha snickered, and looked at Minhyuk in hope of a reaction. Once he realized he was to immersed in his little game, he continued. "It's the Halloween Spring Tent Fair. That thing where there's like,,, a million tents and students form groups to set up games and stuff in them."

"Millions?! I know that there's a lot of people in our high school but I didn't think there was that many?!" MJ shrieked, caressing the hair on the back of his head in confusion.

"Fucking hell MJ, I didn't think you were that dumb. Okay so like... The senior school students are allowed to divide into groups and each rent a tent. Obviously there's going to be a lot of tents if it's held by groups and not classes." The premature boy explained.

Dumbfounded but intrigued, MJ scooted over to Moonbin and peered over Dongmin's shoulder to peak at what was on the paper.

Dongmin sighed and propped his torso up by dropping his pen and placing his arms on either side of the desk before MJ could interpret his messy handwriting. He looked at him with a sincere expression and asked.

"What do you know about Jinwoo?"

The day had quickly progressed and before they could process it, the next day had come. Everyone had been preparing their tents, including themselves.

Students were scrambling left and right with capes, onesies, blow-up hammers and whatever other weird things they could find. Minhyuk claimed he saw someone in a dinosaur suit - but no one really believed him.

"No, really!! You know those black and red dinosaur costumes you see on Youtube? One of those!!"

"Mhm."

"It was like that! It was really cool I can't wait to show youse!"

"Okay then why don't you?"

"You think I know where they are?!"

"Guess you're lying, then."

The frustrated groans of the once ecstatic Minhyuk were drowned out as the boys made their way to homeroom. It was one of the very few days where the boys simultaneously arrived at school.

They each unpacked their stationary and sat at their desks. The buzz of the class was infuriating to MJ, despite his megaphone personality.

"Eunwoo!" A fellow classmate called. Whoever she was you could tell that Dongmin was completely disinterested. The soft smile and the narrow eyes were nothing like the smile he would adorn when he was having fun.

"Eunwoo! What do you think of my dinosaur sui-" 

"I TOLD YOU!" Rocky shouted, his inner child dancing triumphantly. 

Dongmin froze and inspected the suit. He was oblivious to whatever the girl wanted from him. "It's kinda cool, but aren't dinosaurs extinct? Maybe you should've picked a more modernized reptile...?" he paused in thought, unaware of the girl's defeated expression, "Oh! Maybe a Komodo Dragon! They're really big and I love the way that they look! And, and and! It has dragon in the name so it's a perfect twist for Hallowe-"

"A-Ah! Thanks... Eunwoo...! Bye now!" The girl scuttled away, either upset or concerned, either way Dongmin was very confused.

The boys all broke into laughter, MJ and Sanha unable to contain their tears as their bellows merge with the classroom buzz.

"Way to go dude, you're so oblivious!" Sanha giggly snickered and turned to compliment Minhyuk for telling the truth.

"What? She asked?" Dongmin said in a defensive manner, turning to Moonbin for support.

"You know she was hitting on you, right?"

Dongmin paused, and blinked.

"She was waiting for you to say something like, 'Oh! That's really cute!' or 'Oh my god that's the greatest!'"

" _Again?_ God stop sending me all these women, they're way too complicated."

MJ cat walked over to Dongmin and leaned forward, "Mwah, mwah, mwah Dongi-boo I'm always available, teehee!" the Cheshire smile on his face all too real for the poor boy to handle.

"H-Hey! Back off!" He pushed him with a big grin on his face. There it was; cresent moon eyes and a mouth so wide open you could probably easily fit a tennis ball in it.

Minhyuk took the moment of silence as an opportunity to boast. He pathetically yawned saying, "See I told you all there was a dinosaur, thanks for having faith in me my dudes, much appreciated."

The boys muttered apologies to which Minhyuk smiled brightly. Though, Moonbin interrupted his little serenade.

"...But you said the dinosaur was black and red?"


End file.
